… back to chapter three

Chapter Four

Tony (with broken foot) meets Abbess Gertrude of Colwich Abbey.

I was accepting of the possibility of the existence of God, I was going to church, I was reading the bible, but nothing was happening. And I remember having this out with the Abbot. And he told me that God would talk to me if I listened with my heart. What the hell does that mean? But I was here in a monastery and I soldiered on with prayer and study and I developed a one-sided conversation with God. And I became comfortable with that and soon I started to feel things. Once I was having a bad day. I had broken my foot running and was hobbling around on crutches, unable to move around freely. It was cold and wet. And I was surrounded by fields. And I had nowhere to go.

Then I sat on a bench and had a conversation with Fr Ian about providence and God's work through coincidences and my spirits lifted. Later I had a strange sensation in church. The feeling of falling in love and the butterflies which go with it.

This I now know to have been a tremor. Because I had others later on. Until something happened two days before I was due to leave.

I'd been in the monastery for 38 days. I'd learnt a lot. I'd prayed a lot. It was a fantastic experience which I'd flung myself into passionately. All that was missing was the cherry on the top. A faith which I could draw upon and say 'I believe in this whole God business'. That I couldn't claim.

So with my suitcase virtually packed we started preparing to leave. My attentions were turning towards my life back in London and work.

chapter five…